How is it that other new mothers are able to update their blogs? I'm so tired that I can barely string together these few sentences. But I wanted to because I feel the need to keep up with the Joneses. Damn those Joneses!
Baby Buddha is doing well. He's a mild mannered child which makes taking care of him very easy. Don't get me wrong, he demands a lot of my time and attention, but he doesn't cry unless he needs something. That makes taking care of him easier than I anticipated. His wacky sleeping schedule, on the other hand, has really messed with my... what? My emotional state? My health? My sleeping schedule? How about all of the above. I've never been so tired in my entire life. I've never cried so much in my entire life either. I know that it's the combination of hormones and sleep deprivation, but I'm damn near certifiable!
We're having some challenges with nursing and if I was more alert right now I would love to write about the difficulties of it all. I feel so connected (and oddly disconnected at the same time) with other mother's over the whole issue of nursing. I wanted to nurse the baby so badly and took classes, read books and rented movies so that I could do it successfully. And it's not going well. And now I'm frustrated and heartbroken. Like I said, one day when my mind returns, I'll write more about this. It's deeply important to me and I think that the disappointment and the fear of failure go to the core of being a woman. I never knew. There's this whole world that I never knew about- this world of motherhood. The emotions that you experience when you become a mother are unexplainable, yet so huge and all consuming that you become different in that moment that your child is born. I don't know what to do with this new found "enlightenment". It will take me years to process it all. But this is what makes me want to write about it. Some day...
I'm going to try to sneak in a catnap right now. I'm alone with the baby and the peace is fabulous. I want to drink it in. Hopefully, I'll be asleep by the time that you read this. Zzzzz....
My little dictator is almost 4 weeks old and...well...I hate to say it, because EVERYONE says it...but it does get easier.
I don't know if it gets better. Really, I hate breastfeeding and am only doing it because I know it's better and blah, blah, blah....but I'm happy to say that I hate it slightly less today than yesterday.
What no one has told me yet is how it gets better. Here's what I've noticed:
The latching is improving. The initial searing pain that comes after latching that is so severe that I get a little headache and start sweating is getting to be less. She is staying on longer. I am producing more milk. I am getting better at multi-tasking so that I do not have to sit stone-cold still unable to even turn the channel on the remote for fear of having to go through latching again (infact I got through two chapters of a book this morning and forgot for a moment I was even nursing!). Best yet, at night, I have perfected the stomach-to-stomach position so that I can sleep while she eats. This has improved my quality of life immeasurably! (Of course, it forces us into co-sleeping from 4 a.m. until we wake up, but hey, I'll take it).
Posted by: Sarah | November 07, 2006 at 05:56 PM
I hope you have the same experience as Sarah, and that it gets easier for you. One of the MAIN reasons I ended up letting both my kids sleep, for certain periods of time, with me in my bed is that I could fall asleep while they were nursing. God that sleep is needed... Anyway, Gigi - if you nurse, great, and if it really doesn't work out, you have done your best. I know you're trying. Nothing you do or don't do will ever be able to change that "enlightenment" you feel as a mother. You Are A Mother. Welcome to the group, my dear... breast feeding or no, you love your child, you are a mother, and all is good.
Posted by: IrishGoddess | November 07, 2006 at 08:57 PM