Thank you for all of the kind emails and comments that you guys sent me after my emotional breakdown! They mean so much to me and I could tell how sincere your words (collectively) were! It's always hard for me to accept the aftermath of my meltdowns because it's easy for me to vent but not so easy for me to accept support. I generally regret airing out my feelings because afterwards I feel as if I was fishing for compliments or something and that makes me feel like crapola! I realize that this goes way back to how I was raised and that it's an issue that I've had most of my life and one that I really need to be getting over here. Funny how pregnancy brings up a boatload of issues from childhood, some of which you thought were resolved. Ha!
For now I am doing better. I now realize that the panic attacks might be around for a while, which is good to know so that I'm prepared (at least somewhat) when they hit. Never before have I had to deal with them without medication, so this is a new level of... what's the word?... emotional awareness or emotional maturity(???) that I need to have. It's kind of frightening how much I have depended on "substances" to control and/or suppress my thoughts, feelings, compulsions, fears (and the list goes on...). Once Bruno and I decided to start our family I knew that I would have to stop taking my antidepressants and anxiety medications, so that was the first stripping of the insulating "shroud". But I could still have a cocktail or two, which is an amazing antidepressant, I've found. However, once those two little pink lines arrived the cocktails, too, went the way of the prescriptions and now I'm left to my own (inept) resources to deal with my issues. And boy have the issues risen to the surface. Surprisingly (at least to me) I'm doing way better than I could have hoped for. It's just those occasional moments where the world seems too much to handle and I want to go hibernate. But don't normal people feel that way sometimes?
(I know that I owe many emails to many of you fabulous women and I promise that I will soon get to them. I'm in the middle of moving and work deadlines right now and don't have much downtime at the moment. But once I do, look out!)
Emails be damned! You take care of yourself first and foremost, however that needs to be done. If it means hibernating, so be it. Just keep your friends tucked in a corner of your mind and know that we are always here when you are ready.
Moving - and work - are hard work, too, so take your time.
Posted by: IrishGoddess | June 13, 2006 at 05:51 PM
*mwha*
I totally owe you an e-mail first.
Posted by: Kate | June 14, 2006 at 02:21 PM