I have a conference call that I'm dreading in half an hour. All day long I've told myself to be productive, but it hasn't worked. I get this fear that paralyzes me and then I do absolutely nothing. I hate conference calls. I hate meetings with the client. I don't hate the client, they just scare me sometimes. It must have something to do with the fact that they pay me. I've always by intimidated by people who pay me. At any moment they can stop sending the checks and then I would be homeless. So when I actually have to talk to them I get scared. When will I grow up?
So, since I moved to Michigan I've had a hard time meeting people. This is nothing new to those of you who read this blog. Admittedly, I've made minimal efforts to change this, but it's because I don't even know where to begin. My friendships in California have become strained due to the distance, and usually we have nothing to talk about when we do actually talk. One relationship that has managed to bloom in spite of the distance though is the one between my sister-in-law and me. When I married Bruno, I didn't have a lot of time to get to know his brother and his brother's girlfriend before we moved away. It was a very stressful time (planning the wedding with Bruno in another country) and I was too busy and tired to make much of an effort. However, since we've moved I've been emailing sister-in-law quite a bit. It's nice to have a pal and I've enjoyed our email banter. Today I sent her an email and told her that I would like to get together with her (just her- no husbands) when we are out there in December. I confessed that I would like to become better friends with her. And guess what? Now I'm scared. What a moron, huh? I'm just kind of freaking out that I put my feelings "out there". What if they aren't reciprocated? What if she thinks I'm an idiot? And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I've failed to make friends here.
One day I'm going to tell sister-in-law about this blog, and she might actually read this post. Wow, will she think that I need help.
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